TROUBLED BY DEATH (A TRUE EXPERIENCE)

It all started like a dream (well ...I was troubled by dreams) when I started seeing things from different spheres, my senses arose and prickles at every little occurrence. My thoughts changed and I started getting scared of little things, little pains and screams which almost led to shock,I almost became hypertensive.
As a student, it started when I had problem with my wrist. At first I thought it was a mere pain not until my walking steps changed,then I realised it wasn't a mere experience. I started remembering death of friends who died from severe headaches, stomach aches, little pushes and minor deaths like that and of friends I have lost and stories of youngsters that died from minor things.  I started giving this place in particular a massage, it became a morning and night activity, still no changes, the rate of the bad thoughts increased. Couldn’t tell anyone my thoughts. It was as if I was feeding my fears more.
I started having dreams of death, images of different death occurrences. I started thinking what would happen if the demise happens;

I started thinking what would mum do? How would dad feel? What would happen to sis? What would you say and how would friends react? Would the demise make my “Anambra bro” come back Lagos? While I was thinking about all these I was smiling but the thoughts were scary at the same time.
The funniest part was that I started doing things I never had time for, I started feeling less concerned about any situation I ought to face, this got me more scared because I remember my mum once told me that anyone who is closer to his/her death would be acting nice and strange or do things he/ she is not really used to, she also narrated a story of a boy who ironed all his clothes a day before his death, I was astonished.
Heyyii! This thoughts got me weak within but I was like “BAE, stop feeding your fears, it kills faster more than anything you could ever think of, you think?”   The more reason I love myself is that, most times I act as my weakness and as my strength at the same time. …
After some days, I decided to visit the school clinic but without a clinic card. I’ve never been there for medics, I just wanted to try my luck so it won’t be as if I didn’t make any move concerning the pain, I couldn't afford to be blamed on ignorance. I know myself to be a very good actress, I acted for the doctor as if I was feeling a very bad pain, and he was less concerned about the clinic card although he asked. He requested for my ID card and matric number as a student, which I gave him. Then, he said I would take injection, he gave me drugs which were vitamin C and paracetamol, I was surprised. The injection type was not even available, I was happy and sad at the same time at the hearing of this, I wanted the pain to go but I don’t really like the injection idea, because it’s been long. I was like,Hell!They got me at last.
Before I left the clinic, I found myself licking the vitamin C, well its part of it, who knows if the pain might reduce by licking, LOL. I took the other drug at nights. I started seeing changes; I never knew the pain was still there, not until I was chased by a friend while we were playing, thinking I was fully okay as I heard the bone shifted while I ran. This was where the ‘death thoughts” increased, the rate at which I dream increased, all those things started ringing bell, so I brought it upon myself that I would call home, I started having dreams of how someone was buried, my senses started claiming sharp, I was able to detect things, even if it's part of me, but while all these were happening, I got a reminder from myself that it seems I’ve been far away from my God. So, I prayed within.
I decided to search for my clinic card the following week because I was very sure the doctor would not attend to me without my card this time around.  I couldn’t find it but I was able to get the number, which was what I needed. My walking steps had changed but I was using scopes all the while. All my colleagues that were asking, were just complementing with SORRY, they never knew about the thoughts banging on my mind which has gone deep but not too deep as you think.It was only a friend that brought to my notice, she said,  maybe it was my resumption to dance (ballet), for I dropped it for a year before now. I couldn’t pour it out to anyone. Of course, who cares? But before that, I took a risk, which I wouldn’t like to say.
I got to the clinic the following day, met with another doctor he gave me drugs and told me if it doesn’t work, I would go for an x-ray, immediately I got scared, X-ray? The last time I had X-ray was when I had issues with this my cough which I tagged ‘PERSONAL ASTHMATIC COUGH”. During those time mum used to cry. Then this mother and daughter feeling thought came up again … I felt like gosh! I started hoping the drug in particular works. The scary thought was on the other side.
Thought I would to call home? No! I only called my aunt and daddy, I didn’t call mum. Not until I had a dream about her upcoming birthday. Immediately I called her that afternoon, I never told her the exact thing, who knows what might happen to her if I do, I just explained some little things to her, she prayed, I know, it’s our work oo, mothers! I guess I’m being relieved of that anyways I am still on drugs , I hope the drug in particular works as I’ve hoped  and I haven’t forgot my closeness with my God.
But there is more to this....

(Ajibare Adedolapo).